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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/23734222">(you've always been) the light of my life</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion'>lavenderlotion</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>and all i know now is without you i could never find my way [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>X-Men (Alternate Timeline Movies)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Confessions, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Family Feels, Father-Daughter Relationship, First Kiss, Getting Together</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-04-19</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-03 00:08:41</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>2,721</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/23734222</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/lavenderlotion/pseuds/lavenderlotion</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>A second later, Kitty phased through the door and Laura was hit with the horrible realization that she could <em>not</em> do this. And that she was very, very gay.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Laura Kinney &amp; Hank McCoy, Laura Kinney &amp; Logan, Laura Kinney/Kitty Pryde</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>and all i know now is without you i could never find my way [17]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1618789</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>25</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>48</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>(you've always been) the light of my life</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><ul class="associations">
      <li>For <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociality/gifts">homosociality</a>.</li>



    </ul><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>My attempt at coercing Ethics into shipping Lonk via lesbians. Not sure if it worked, but I shop this so hard.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>
  <span>Laura was in the gym, railin' against a reinforced punchin' bag as she worked out the tension that had been steadily weighin' her down over her for the last few weeks. Each bounce of her feet and each swing of her arms only seemed to push her slow buildin' anger further, built her frustration higher, made her irritation sharper. She'd tried runnin' earlier, pushin' herself in laps around the track until her lungs had been burnin' and her legs had been achin'. It hadn't been enough, and not even an hour later found her in the gym, tryin' to beat out her mess of feelings.</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Girls,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she thought viciously, followin' it with a jab, jab, hook, jab combo wherein she put more force behind each punch until the bag split straight down the middle.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Shit,” she swore loudly, takin' a step back and brushin' her hair from her face where it was stickin' to her forehead as she heaved for breath. She shook out of the hand that split the bag, flexin' her claws before retractin' them and then unwrappin' the tape she'd just cut through.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dammit. She didn't even feel any better and now she'd need to hook up another bag. Grumblin' to herself as she moved around the gym, she was just glad that she was alone. The last thing she wanted when she felt like tearin' the world apart was bein' around other people, unless that people were her family, and they were all busy. Her dads were teachin', her sister was off with her </span>
  <em>
    <span>boyfriend,</span>
  </em>
  <span> and Laura was alone to stew in her misery.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Fuckin' pretty girls with gorgeous smiles and amazin' personalities and bein' so goddamn nice when no one else was and flirtin' but not flirtin' enough for it to be </span>
  <em>
    <span>flirtin'</span>
  </em>
  <span> but enough for it not to be not flirtin’. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit, s</span>
  </em>
  <span>he was pretty sure this wasn't supposed to be this hard. From what she could remember from her </span>
  <em>
    <span>dads</span>
  </em>
  <span> when they got together, they hadn't had this much trouble. Laura had been tryin' for </span>
  <em>
    <span>weeks</span>
  </em>
  <span> to figure out if her best friend was suddenly becomin’ </span>
  <em>
    <span>more</span>
  </em>
  <span> than just her best friend or if they were just real comfortable with each other. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Dammit, this would have been easier if one of them was a boy. Shit had changed between them over the last few months and they... well they were more than just friends. They </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> to be, or else Laura was gonna pull her goddamn hair out. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Throwin' around the split up punchin' bag and gettin' another one onto the hook turned out to be real good for her anger and the physical labour helped to get some of her aggression out as she stomped around barefoot, angry at the whole fuckin’ world. The worst part about this whole thing was how scared she was of losin' her best friend. It'd been hard for her and Jas to adjust, but harder for Laura, who'd never been anythin' more than a successful experiment, used from mission to mission with whatever the hell was needed of her skill set.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Jas had it better and worse than she did, in some ways. She was someone's kid, and while that someone was a fucking asshole who wanted nothin' to do with her, it’d been easier for her to adjust to life at the mansion. What they had now with their Dads was... a helluva lot more than Laura had ever expected outta life but was damn thankful for every day. That didn't mean she'd ever had many friends though, and now she was terrified outta her mind that wanting more was gonna ruin the only friendship she'd ever had.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura let out a wordless cry when she finally got the second bag hung up and was able to rail against it, keepin' half a mind focused on how much strength she was usin' so she didn't split this one in half. She bounced from foot to foot, pushin' herself faster and faster, focusin' on speed instead of strength in a desperate bid to wear herself out. She had no idea how much time passed until she broke the second bag, but by the time her fist punched straight through the reinforced leather, she was sweatin' hard and breathin' harder, her heart racin' against her ribs.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Then, with his usual perfect fuckin' timin', her papa walked into the gym, bringin' with him the warm scent of leather and motor oil and somethin' that smelt like her, like </span>
  <em>
    <span>kin</span>
  </em>
  <span> in a way she never could've imagined when she was nothin' more than a tool to be used. Laura whirled around to look at him, takin' in his worried frown that anyone else would see as his usual look of general annoyance, but Laura could read the sincerity in his eyes and the softer curve of his lips that meant he was worried and not angry.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Whoa sweetheart, who the hell hurt you?” Papa asked her, and then because everythin' </span>
  <em>
    <span>sucked,</span>
  </em>
  <span> she burst into tears. “Oh shit, said the wrong thing, didn't I?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura nodded and didn't waste a single second before steppin' into her Papa's already open arms, lettin' him gather her in a tight hug and pressin' her face into his neck. From the very first second she'd scented him, years ago and fresh outta a livin’ nightmare she didn’t know any better than, the smell of him had always been soothin'. Now, years later, what had once been a comfortin' scent that was eerily familiar but still foreign had morphed into the smell of </span>
  <em>
    <span>family.</span>
  </em>
  <span> She could smell her dad's worn paper and pen ink on Papa's skin and musky sage of her sister's natural scent, and she cuddled even closer because of it.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What's going on, little fox?” Papa asked her gently, his big, warm hand rubbin' up and down her back. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>No matter how much her papa would've hated her mentionin' it, Laura had to bend down, just a bit, to comfortably tuck her face into his neck as her papa cradled her close. Even still, Papa's arms felt as safe as they had since the very first day they met, and she cuddled real close as she tried to stop cryin'.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She wasn't sure if she wanted to tell him. Papa already knew she liked girls—not that he could talk, since he was married to </span>
  <em>
    <span>Dad—</span>
  </em>
  <span>but she'd never mentioned her feelings to </span>
  <em>
    <span>anyone.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Not her dads, 'cause that was just kinda awkward, but also not to Jas, who Laura had </span>
  <em>
    <span>never</span>
  </em>
  <span> kept anything' from in her whole life. She was worried that sayin' the words and voicin' her feelings would make them more real in a way that they weren't now, 'cause if no one knew how she felt she could pretend she didn't really feel that way.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I...have a crush on Kitty,” Laura whispered, fear makin' her throat feel tight. Her papa just held her tighter, big hand cuppin' the back of her neck real warmly and holdin' her close.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Uh, yeah kid, you reek of arousal every time you two have a sleepover,” Logan told her and even though his voice was teasin' his hold was solid and secure and Laura knew without a doubt that she was safe in his arms.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>She shrugged and laughed a little, not feelin' an ounce of guilt considerin' how many things she'd smelt off of </span>
  <em>
    <span>him</span>
  </em>
  <span> over the years together, 'specially at the beginnin' when he and Dad had first gotten together. She took a deep breath that filled her senses with the scent of her family, and realized that voicin' the words </span>
  <em>
    <span>hadn't</span>
  </em>
  <span> made everythin' fall apart like she was kinda worried about and that her feelings for Kitty weren't any more or less real than they'd been two minutes ago. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura was still very, very gay, and still really, really pining.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Just when she was goin' to start complainin' about how messed up everythin' felt, the gym door opened again and the heavy but still soft paddin' of large, bare feet sounded out and the fresh scent of linens overlayin' old paper and ink sunk through the room 'fore a big, warm heat encased them from behind as Dad joined the hug.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“How're my two favourite canines?” Dad asked her, causin' a laugh to rattle outta her throat as she and Papa growled back instinctively, and she finally managed a weak smile.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Wrapped up in her dads arms, she knew that no matter what happened with Kitty, everythin' would be okay.</span>
</p>
<hr/><p>
  <span>There was a soft knock on her bedroom door, a rasp of knuckles against wood that gave her pause. Laura knew who it was just by the beat of their heart and the faintest hint of lavender that was always embedded through her scent. She paused, scrunchin' more water out of her drippin' hair, fresh from a shower. A talk with her dads and a long, </span>
  <em>
    <span>very</span>
  </em>
  <span> warm shower had done wonders for her mood and she was feelin' an entire world better. She looked down at her outfit and wondered if a pair of jeans and her sports bra was an acceptable amount of clothes and then feelin' silly 'cause she never would've thought anythin’ of it before.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Come in,” she finally called, takin' a deep breath and squaring her shoulders. She could do this.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>A second later, Kitty phased through the door and Laura was hit with the horrible realization that she could </span>
  <em>
    <span>not</span>
  </em>
  <span> do this. And that she was very, very gay.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>God, Kitty was </span>
  <em>
    <span>gorgeous.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Hair piled into a messy bun on the top of her head and long, dark lashes framin' the most beautiful eyes. She was wearing cut off jean shorts that were </span>
  <em>
    <span>indecent,</span>
  </em>
  <span> high-waisted, light-wash denim wrapped around her thighs and belly, a strip of midriff shown off by the cropped sweater she was wearin'. Laura was all but </span>
  <em>
    <span>droolin'</span>
  </em>
  <span> just takin' her in, feelin' ridiculously stupid because all she managed was a weak, “Hey,” as her eyes raved shamelessly over Kitty's frame.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kitty giggled cutely, hands linking together behind her back as she stepped fully into the room and watched Laura right back. </span>
  <em>
    <span>This</span>
  </em>
  <span> was the type of shit that was makin’ her so confused, that was makin’ it impossible to tell whether they were still just best friends or if they were edgin’ on bein’ somethin’ more. She felt warm from the way the other girl was lookin' at her, warmer still when Kitty's cheeks went a little pink. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>That had to be a good sign, yeah? Laura wasn't attracted to every girl she saw just because she was gay... well, uh, actually. Shit. Okay, so Kitty checkin’ her out could be nothin', but the way she was bitin' into her bottom lip had to mean somethin', right?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Hiya, Laurie,” Kitty said sweetly, lettin' go of her bottom lip as her mouth twisted up into a smile. Laura couldn't help but grin back, kinda dumbly ‘cause Kitty was </span>
  <em>
    <span>gorgeous</span>
  </em>
  <span> when she smiled like she was right now. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>But then Kitty's smile fell a little as she shifted her weight from foot to foot instead of comin’ further into the room like she usually would've. When she next spoke, her voice was tinged with hesitancy that was echoed in the nervousness of her scent. “Are you feeling okay?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Yeah, I'm fine.” Oh crap, was it so obvious she'd had a meltdown that Kitty knew? Laura had tried her best to let any of her feelings affect their friendship but... maybe she had without realizin’? </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Oh,” Kitty said, face fallin' further and lookin' upset enough that Laura just wanted to gather her close and give her a hug. “Um, well... you missed our movie?”</span>
</p><p>
  <em>
    <span>Shit.</span>
  </em>
  <span> Their date. Not-date? This was the damn problem 'cause they did things that felt a helluva lot like dates and they held hands and sometimes Kitty would cuddle up with her when they were sittin' together but they </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> just be friends and it </span>
  <em>
    <span>could</span>
  </em>
  <span> not mean anythin' ‘cause they’d been doin’ shit like that since they were kids even though now Kitty liked girls and Laura liked girls both of them were totally out of the closet and... yeah, alright, Laura was totally not </span>
  <em>
    <span>any</span>
  </em>
  <span> calmer than she'd been earlier.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I am so sorry,” she said, tossin’ her towel into her laundry basket without lookin’ and takin’ a step closer, wringin’ her hands together in front of her and feelin’ like a damn loser for how nervous she was. This was </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kitty, </span>
  </em>
  <span>for fuck sakes. “I was in the gym and I lost track of time and then I was with my dads.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kitty nodded but when she smiled it was forced. “Oh, okay! Yeah, that’s alright.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“No it isn’t,” she said quickly, lettin’ out a sigh of relief when Kitty’s arms dropped to her sides so Laura could grab her hands. It felt natural to link their fingers together and step closer. This was somethin’ they’d done before, countless times, but Laura wanted it to mean somethin’ more so badly it was terrifyin’.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“I’m goin’ to make it up to you, okay? We’ll go see a movie in town,” Laura told her, watchin’ Kitty’s face and seein’ the way her eyes lit up and lettin’ it give her </span>
  <em>
    <span>hope. “</span>
  </em>
  <span>On a r-real date,” she clarified before she could lose her nerve and back down. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>“W-what do you mean a real date?” Kitty whispered, lookin’ at Laura with an expression she couldn’t read but didn’t seem overly enthused—which didn’t seem like a real good fuckin’ sign after her askin’ her out. </span>
  <em>
    <span>Shit,</span>
  </em>
  <span> was Laura fuckin’ it up after all?</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Like... a romantic date. Because Kitty, I really fuckin' like you, and I </span>
  <em>
    <span>think</span>
  </em>
  <span> you like me too but I...”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura trailed off when Kitty stepped even further into her personal space and dropped their joined hands so that her fingers could press so, so gently against Laura’s jaw before movin' to cup her face. She sucked in a sharp breath, nose flooded with </span>
  <em>
    <span>Kitty</span>
  </em>
  <span> and feelin' incredibly overwhelmed and better than she’d ever felt before even as her heart beat painfully against her ribs and her breath came in short bursts.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“Laurie,” Kitty whispered, causin' Laura’s already racing heart to kick up even faster, “I’ve thought that we've been dating for the last few months?”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“What?” Laura asked breathlessly, unable to stop herself from reachin’ forward and grabbin’ Kitty’s hips, squeezing the supple skin and forcin’ herself not to pull Kitty closer when she had no idea what was goin’ on. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>Kitty’s hands were holding the side of her neck, and her one of her thumbs started rubbin’ the skin of her collarbone softly, smilin’ up at her with shinin’ eyes and a twist of her lips that was much happier than it’s been a moment ago. “You know when I told you I was gay and you said that you were too? And then we started spending more time doing things </span>
  <em>
    <span>just</span>
  </em>
  <span> the two of us, and having more sleepovers and... well, I woke up as the little spoon </span>
  <em>
    <span>every night,</span>
  </em>
  <span> Laurie. I thought we were already dating.”</span>
</p><p>
  <span>“We... but we’ve never...” Laura had no idea what she was even tryin’ to say, not really, so she was more than glad when Kitty giggled like she got it and shrugged her shoulders. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She leaned even closer and whispered, “I just figured you didn't wanna do anything like that,” with her lips so close Laura could taste the bubblegum Kitty liked to chew on her tongue.</span>
</p><p>
  <span>Laura shook her head, ‘cause she wanted to do </span>
  <em>
    <span>everythin’ </span>
  </em>
  <span>with Kitty and just hadn’t known how to say it, but then she was too busy pressin’ their lips together gently to answer. They kissed with closed mouths, lips catchin’ as fumbled through their first kisses, mouths movin’ sweetly. Laura sucked in another breath through his nose and moved her lips as she wrapped her arms around Kitty’s waist to twist her hand into the fabric of her shirt and tug her closer. Kitty made the most gorgeous noise Laura had ever heard and her heart rate kicked up even faster. </span>
</p><p>
  <span>She kept kissin’ Kitty, her </span>
  <em>
    <span>girlfriend, </span>
  </em>
  <span>‘’cause apparently Laura </span>
  <em>
    <span>had</span>
  </em>
  <span> done somethin’ right</span>
  <em>
    <span>, </span>
  </em>
  <span>and didn’t stop. They had </span>
  <em>
    <span>weeks</span>
  </em>
  <span> of kissin’ to make up for, after all. </span>
</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>come say hi to me on <a href="https://lavender-lotion.tumblr.com/">tumblr</a>!</p><p>kudos are much appreciated, but things have been really difficult lately, and a comment, as short and sweet or as sprawling and sporadic as you can manage, would be <em>greatly</em> appreciated! </p><p>i run an x-men discord server! check it out <a href="https://discord.gg/3uG3VNP">here!</a></p></blockquote><div class="children module" id="children">
  <b class="heading">Works inspired by this one:</b>
  <ul>
    <li>
        <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/24062653">Happy Returns</a> by <a href="https://archiveofourown.org/users/homosociality/pseuds/homosociality">homosociality</a>
    </li>
  </ul>
</div></div></div>
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